I have a friend named Ursula. She has a great big brain.
You’d think that fact a blessing but instead it is her bane.
She has imagination far beyond us mortal folk.
She has so many cool ideas her neural paths can choke!
While at her uncle’s house one day (an uppity old coot)
She said “you have to see this!” In her hand was eye of newt!
“Why Ursula, that’s quite unique” I said without a hitch.
She smiled. “My pal Ulysses taught me how to be a witch!”
I thought “I must be dreaming, or unwittingly drank booze!
This girl just couldn’t cast a spell, she still wears Underoos!”
She saw what I was thinking, in a bubble o’er my head.
“You believe me or I’ll send you to Uranus pal” she said!
So I bought it stock and barrel, she’s a witch and that’s for sure!
(Now I keep my inner thoughts more closely guarded and obscure)
So I said “how ‘bout you show me what a witch can really do?”
She replied “Hold on, I’ll take us to my Manse du Cordon Bleu!”
I closed my eyes as counseled and I felt a little breeze;
Then Ukulele music nearly dropped me to my knees!
My ulcer started whining until soothed by English Horn;
She said “Ok we’re here now”… from atop a unicorn!
“Can I…” she stopped me right away, “No unicorn for you!”
She said “get on that unicycle lying there askew!”
I had to ask the clown if he’d relinquish his one wheel.
He said “You never cross a witch, of course Monsieur Surreal!”
So on we went, down Umbra lane, a dark and gloomy road.
Some wolves began to ululate, they seemed in chatty mode.
But soon we came to Unoville, and Manse du Cordon Bleu,
and there began a little show she called “The Witch Review!”
She lined up toads for kissing, each a prince enthralled by hex.
I said “You know their genders?” “She said “Toads are unisex!”
And soon the evil witch’s spells were undone by a smack.
Then Ursula said “Oh my dear, it’s time to take you back!”
She whipped out an umbrella and began to conjugate.
She chanted all her subsets, we began to undulate!
As if we’d touched uranium we both began to glow!
She had me frightened utterly, (though that’s the status quo)
We flew at speeds approaching sound, my underarms were chafed
I shouted “Even Underdog might not think this is safe!”
But soon we’re on the good old ground, inside her uncle’s barn
She said “I have some chores to do, some udder pulling; Darn!”
I left her to her milking cows and ran myself back home
I hoped she’d not take umbrage at this winding, rhymey tome
But you see I had to write it down before I could forget
It’s like a text umbilical; we’re tied by this vignette!