Sunday, April 22, 2012

The Lady Forkinbaby


“I realize it’s your brother’s friend and I should be nice to her, but for God’s sake, it’s a black spray painted naked doll with a fork sticking out of its belly! I don’t really have to compliment it do I?”

Marie frowned, speaking a hundred pages of the ‘wife’s book of proper etiquette’ with a single, churlish twist of her upper lip. “Just do it” she added with a raised eyebrow.

I had few options. I could lie and destroy my self image, or I could be honest and suffer the wrath of the assembled freshmen artsy fartsies, most of which were now high on boilermakers made with ouzo. I decided to be clever and tried using an old school phrase for honesty, hoping to have it received in a new school way, for the win.

“Fine Shit” I said as I smiled and pointed at her ridiculous excuse of an artistic masterpiece. “Hey, thanks Dude” goth-girl said grinning as her head pounded from shoulder to shoulder in some sort of satanically induced rhythm.

“Yup, some great shit” I repeated, visualizing her next work being a black spray painted pile of horse manure topped by a cherry. I moved on. I had more shit to appreciate.

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