Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Wonder Full Day

I wonder if I'm anywhere near who I say I am. If you take that saying "people sometimes lie to themselves so often they start believing it's the truth", I wonder if I lied my whole persona into existence. I mean, I'm a pretty damn good liar when I want to be. I wonder if I really want to be all the time, and I just lied to myself about it, so it doesn't seem like I actually do lie all the time, even if I do. I wonder if I'm really a nice guy, but I'm so afraid of rejection that I've created this mean guy thing so I can the keep people away from me that wouldn't feel so afraid of breaking my heart they'd never dump me. I wonder if I'm a really mean guy who still gets lonely in spite of his meanness, so I created this nice guy thing to attract people who if they knew who I really was would dump me right away but who are missing enough of their own marbles they can't tell I'm fakin it.

I wonder if I'm really married to a woman named Linda. Or if I'm really married to a girl named Roughage, whose parents were hippies in the sixties and whose mom was on acid when she was delivered so the mom who thought she looked like roughage (like some kids do you must admit) decided to name her as she appeared; mostly because the name Moon Unit was already taken.

I wonder if I'm really a 12 year old kid, like the one I sometimes say I am, who came to Live Journal and then Facebook to find cool chicks, but knowing that no cool chick in her right mind would take me seriously I created this grumpy old man who rides motorcycles and writes rhymey poetry, as if anyone would believe that combination. If I am, I wonder why I didn't come up with a more attractive, less imperfect old grump... you know, like Richard Farnsworth or somethin.

I wonder if I'm not human at all... and I'm really a hippopotamus. I'm about the right size, and have a similar dental situation, and I can hold my breath underwater really good, or at least I could before demon nicotine got a hold of me. I wonder if I'm really a hippo, if I run around in the jungle chasing people with pith helmets, and putting out campfires. I wonder if one time I really kicked a lion's ass, and I felt so bad about it cuz everyone loves kitties and in stomping one I'd made myself an outcast and I felt so alone, that I made up this old crabby guy I could pretend to be, just so I didn't have to suffer the shame of being a rabid kitty killapotamas.

I guess I could live with being a hippo. At least then I'd have a song written in my name. You know, "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do..." Of course I'd feel kinda bad about only being wanted for one day a year, on Jesus' birthday of all times.

I wonder if Jesus feels the same way sometimes. Like, I wonder if he gets sad that a lot of people only want to be his pal two days a year and the rest of the time they couldn't even spell his name with a dictionary handy.

I wonder how many cards short my deck is, exactly. I wonder if they're face cards. Probably all the twos. I bet the jokers are still there though. I wonder if I were to try and reshuffle, more cards would fall out and slip under the couch where I'd never find them.

Hey. No worries. Just thinkin out loud.

I wonder when I think, if I'm always actually thinkin out loud, and not just with my mouth but with this huge radio tower attached and everyone across the world knows what I'm thinkin and that's why they all seem to be inspecting their shoe laces when I walk by them cuz they don't want to catch what I got...

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