Monday, September 10, 2012

From the Library of Perforated Paperage

So I had to go to the bathroom and do some random pleasure reading, and as I'd already paged through all our current catalogs (C'mon Christmas!) I was stuck with a booklet given me by a shrink I've since ditched, called Ten Days to Better Self Esteem. I leafed through the first few pages until I ran across a lovely test (I knew there had to be one, to identify just how inefficiently I think) Before we work on the booboo, we have to find out just how icky it is.

I had to add my score in my head as I went along, the bathroom is usually pencil free so I couldn't do the checkmark thing the author doc asked for, but in the end I think I had my score correctly. Turning the page to see what it all meant I discovered I needed immediate hospitalization for my broken self worth depression... so I quickly went back through the questions and fudged a few answers so my score showed me to be less manic and I wouldn't have to drive anywhere. (the truck's almost out of gas so then I'd have to get gas and drive to the hospital and call Linda to take a cab and pick up my car and MAN, it just seemed like so much work)

Once I'd adjusted myself into the "moderately depressed" range, I felt well enough to continue, and before long I came across a drawing of a stick figure with a frown on his little face and a cartoon balloon over his head filled with phrases like nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll eat some worms. (I assume it was a male stick figure, though I might just be auto-identifying with a peer rather than risk being intimidated by a girl, I hate to show weakness in front of a girl, sticklike or no) That was followed by another sketch of a stick figure guy solving his problems proactively. In the text balloon were words like "I like myself" and "I rock" and "today is the first really cool day of the rest of my really cool life!"

I was properly curious about the sketches, they seemed out of place in an adult book, so I read the material that surrounded them. It told me to draw my own unhappy stick figure with a frown and cartoon balloon, and to write in the balloon why my stick figure is so sad. And then, draw a new stick figure that had taken charge of the situation and made life better for himself. In physically creating these drawings I might first identify my negative behavior, and then draw myself free of it, permanently changing my life for the better! So I took the challenge, as I always do as I'm told, after changing the rules a bit. I skipped the first drawing. Everyone knows why I'm sad. It's because other people suck! So I just moved on to the second phase... The Solution!

And THAT was just the first day! I couldn't wait for the other nine days of testing!

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