Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Trading Spaces

Lucifer was apoplectic. “What do you mean we have a waiting line” he shouted at the doorkeeper; "Just pack em in here!”

“I’m very sorry sir but since the financial meltdown there’s just no room here on the first level” replied the imp.

“Are all the babies gone then?”

“You mean the unbaptized Catholic babies? Yes my liege, the last of them shipped out after the 2007 International Theological Commission!”

“Alright then” the Prince of Darkness said as he rummaged through the gatekeeper’s books, “what’s the least serious offense for which we grant admission?”

The imp thought a moment. “Well sir, I suppose that would depend on your belief system.” The Devil raised an eyebrow.

“How many are here because they’ve taken the Lord’s name in vain?”

The imp did a few calculations. “16 million 500 thousand give or take a thousand.”

“Righto then. Outa here.”

“But sir, God doesn’t want them, it’s a commandment for His sake!”

“Then send them back as bedbugs and let them pester someone else! How many more until we have a hundred square feet available?”

The imp pushed a few buttons. “Another hundred million sir and we’ll have a hole open.”

Lucifer grabbed a bullhorn and stood atop the imp’s shoulders. “Attention people! If you’re here only because you lied to your mothers ten times or more raise your hands!” He stepped down. Ok, tally ‘em up” he said to the imp who was already doing a head count.

“Looks like about 6 billion my lord, not counting Mister Cheney over there who I know for a fact is here for other reasons.”

“Cool” said Satan; “ Send them all back as feces… and make sure they’re recycled for all time!”

As Lucifer turned to leave, the imp had the temerity to ask “Might I ask m’lord, should we stop accepting entrants for a time?”

“Well, I think I may have a pope coming soon. After he’s in place, then go back to the regular routine. Remember, sometimes it's the quality not the quantity! Keep ‘em comin boy, keep ‘em comin!”

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