Thursday, November 8, 2012

A Pair of Ludicrous Follies

 A Torch to Light the Way

As the chief executive officer of Mortimer and Schmidtz, Geoffry was absolutely responsible for the collapse of the economies of at least half of all of the developing world. His greed was unmatched, his cleverness, renowned. Having created two dozen of the most toxic derivatives known to the financial sector and focusing their sales exclusively on third world countries, he had almost singlehandedly raped a billion people for no other reason than to flex his egotistical muscles. In the end, Geoff was a beacon of avarice, a brilliant light marking the separation between civilized and carnivore. At least he was for about an hour. I’d never have guessed a human being could burn that long when I first set his pants aflame…

Arizona Lawman
(An homage to the Sheriff Arpaios of the world)

It was my fourth traffic stop of the day and I almost hadn’t made it. I was tired of being nothing more than a revenue stream for the county. I had become a sheriff in order to meet a higher purpose. So when the Harley roared past me I damn near let it go. But as always my sense of duty got in the way of my need to protest and I set out after the biker, siren blaring. It wasn’t until he’d pulled to the shoulder and I’d made my way to his side that I noticed this would be more than a speeding ticket issue. At the first sight of tentacles squirting from beneath his full face helmet I knew I would need to arrest him under the newly passed illegal alien legislation. “You’re not from around here mister” I said as I pulled my gun. “Mrlffrotnel Bishuopp” he shouted and pointed to the sky. There was no need to ask him for papers. Even if he had ‘em, I knew they’d be forgeries.

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