Sunday, November 4, 2012

Magic Beam Malfunction

The elder gentleman behind the counter seemed quite cheery for a man having to deal with a disgruntled public as his vocation. The young woman facing him at that moment looked dour, if not quietly simmering.

"Yes Miss, can I help you?"

"I'd like to return my dream please; there's been some mistake, this is not what I asked for."

"I'll try to help you miss; what exactly did you ask for?"

"Well, I distinctly remember asking for the cutest dream I'd ever seen. Now I understand that's a bit vague, but if you'll look at Geoffrey here I'm sure you'll agree that anyone thinking he's the cutest anything would have to be mad."

She held up a picture of a balding, pot bellied man holding a beverage can in one hand and a cigar in the other.

"Yes miss I see your point; he is a bit homely by my standards as well. Why are his lips misshapen like that?"

"I asked for 'two lips like roses in clover', but I assumed my benefactor would understand that was a metaphor and not a design. Can you imagine kissing that? Much less listening to them flap in the wind whilst sitting at the beach?"

The old man not only agreed but seemed a bit embarrassed. Yet before he could concur the woman continued.

"And his eyes! Saints preserve us will you look at the goo covering his lids? I said Give him a pair of eyes with a congeal of gleam, not eyes congealed into their sockets!"

"Yes, yes, I'm afraid I..."

"And another thing!" The woman was unstoppable now. "Look at that head, JUST LOOK! I wrote it down here so there'd be no mistakes. Give him lot's of wavy hair like Liberace I said, does that look like Liberace?"

"I'm so sorry madam I wasn't sure who Liberace was exactly so..."

"Say" the woman leaned over the counter nearly touching her sweaty forehead to the gentleman's as her face became the color of ire; "You're not saying you're Mister Sandman are you?"

The Sandman thought about what the most prudent answer might be, and chose his next words very carefully.

"Oh no! Why the Sandman's far too busy to run the return counter. I can speak for him in expressing his sincerest apologies though; he probably needed a little of his own medicine that day... too many deliveries, not enough sleep! I'll get you our dream catalog and you can choose another free of charge!"

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