Monday, December 17, 2012

Daddy's Little White Contraception

“Daddy? What’s contraceptive mean?”

Tad choked on his beer, and while he coughed himself back into breathing he thought very carefully. Is the kid the right age for this? Am I the guy who needs to explain all that? And if I do explain this, does that mean I’ll have to do the whole damned talk right now? Crap! Where’s his mother!

“Contraceptive?” he said. “Well that’s a very complicated word, but if you really really want, I’ll tell you.”

“Yes daddy, I really really want” Bascomb said with a great big smile on his ten year old face.

“Ok son, well, you see, there was this terrible army down in a country down by Mexico. You know where Mexico is doncha champ?” Once the nod came he continued. “Well, these guys were really bad people, and they called themselves the Contras!”

“I think I get that part” said Basc, “but what does the erraaaceptive mean?”

“You know when someone’s trying to fool you? Well that’s called being deceptive! And the Contras were always tryin to fool people into thinking they were the good guys and not the bad guys. So when people lie real bad, Americans call them Contraceptives!”

Bascomb thought about that for a few minutes, and then his eyes lit up, signaling his having connected with the explanation.

“Daddy” he asked, What’s an Exile?”

“That’s when a place used to be an island and then all the water around it dried up. Then it’s an ex isle. Geez kid, did your mom say how long she’d be?”

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