Sunday, December 2, 2012

Survival of the Cleverest

“Where IS it!” he cried, “I can’t find the damned thing anywhere!”

I felt a bit sick. Surely I’d seen blood before but never in the quantity that was pooling there in Doctor Longintooth’s basement. Disturbing piles of bowel were everywhere, there was a liver on the second level of the nearby metal shelving unit, sharing space with a disassembled carburetor and a miniature grease gun.

I spoke calmly, lest the bloody creature turn his knives on me. “I gave you six stakes my good man, you do understand that pounding one through his chest would have served the purpose.”

He stopped abruptly, turned and look into my soul, and then flipped his head backward toward the body he’d been rendering. “Look” was all he said.

I did so, and gasped. The chest cavity was quite cleared of obstruction, and while there were still lungs within, there was no heart!

“You don’t need to remove it to stake it for God’s sake!”

“That’s just the thing” he shouted as he went back to dissecting his prey, his heart wasn’t IN his chest! Instead I found that liver over there in its place! That’s the trouble with a transplant surgeon vampire, one never knows where his parts might end up!”

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