Tights! They wanted me to wear tights! And not like long underwear with plenty of quilting that might look like corduroy pants from a distance. No, these would be like my mother's nylons, but only in white! Were they nuts? I was a boy! A chubby boy! I just wanted to be in a play, not wear tights! I was thinking I could have a few lines, you know, waggle my finger at someone and shout out something profound. You know, acting! Tights? I signed up for the fifth grade play; who knew it was gonna be Peter freaking Pan? Yea, I’ll never grow up, and I ‘aint gonna wear no freaking tights either!
It was right then, a week before the
world premier of St. Thomas the Apostle School’s fifth grade class
adaptation of James Barrie’s famous work of fantasy, that I decided on a
life behind the stage, all because of a pair of white pantyhose.