Tuesday, February 5, 2013

A Loss for Jimmy, a Win for Me!

Why is it I wonder that we toss off opinions on things that don’t concern us, so freely. Is it just a matter of controlling our environments? Is it making a case to ourselves so that we have a marker on the trail should another fact relating to the topic appear, that we at least have a starting point in knowing which way our winds blow?

It’s certain that my little unnecessary jibe had no real impact, I am not a believer in superstition at my core though I may joke about it now and then. I am not to blame for any outcome, my speaking out set no wheels into motion. Yet here I sit pondering whether I should or should not have cracked wise ten years ago when the proper thing to do would have been keep my musing to myself.

No one had asked me. Much like a hundred other spews I’ve delivered over the course of my time that seemingly leapt from my always open mouth and into the sky like a peck of ravens on the hunt for tasty road kill, the words found no obstacle on their journey; not for a moment did I stop and think to try something so radical as stopping and thinking before letting loose mindless trivia on my personal masses.

I’d bet dollars to donuts he’d be dead before he was sixteen, this extraordinarily loutish boy who did everything he could to see that his family lived each day in terror. He died at fifteen actually, though the four years I’d given him were probably chewed up in the three he lived.

So, did I know something, or was it just a vapid entertainment that pushed me to name his schedule. Might I have acted in his defense, or did I truly not believe what I was saying but only offered it as a child might tell a wry joke, in bad taste perhaps but something that would surely set heads to wagging and therefore solidify his position as the resident pseudo sage.

It’s just human, I tell myself; we all do it, we all say unkind things without reason. Then I wonder why they call compassion a person’s "humanity". I should be happy I won the bet I suppose. Isn’t life all about winning?

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