When it happened, I didn't even notice. I mean if you were in a group of guys and you overheard someone say "Fat lazy bastard" you wouldn't automatically assume he meant you would you? But then as I rhetorically asked "I wonder who..." to no one in particular, a couple of my coworkers made it clear.
At first, I laughed it off. Twice in
fact, as the phrase passed through my memory multiple times. On the
third round though I became slightly miffed. I can't swear to it, but I
think once we'd crossed the 30 time threshold, I was what you could call
angry, and shortly thereafter at 40 times or so, definitely angry.
I tried to think about something else, but it just kept coming. "Fat
lazy bastard", over and over, like my brain was on autopilot and the
toggle had been snapped off.
It took me until the eightieth time
before I was fully enraged, ninetieth I guess before I thought to
confront the perpetrator. Then, I'm positive, when I'd mentally replayed
that remark for the hundredth time, I slammed my accelerator foot to
floor, and steered the truck I'd apparently climbed behind the wheel of
somewhere between the 60s and 70s directly for mister fat lazy bastard.
So your honor, as you can see, it wasn't murder at all. It was simply the unfortunate progression of a badly placed insult...