Lies! I saw it in her eyes! Like that’s some big surprise!
She slept with all those guys I know, just counting gave me vertigo
Bold! She claims that I’m too old! She whines I’m too controlled!
As if she’d married mold; the wench! For her I love in fluid French!
If she leaves me I’ll be sad. She could find a guy named Chad;
Have four kids all named for trees, inheriting her mean disease.
They could flirt with politics and run for office just for kicks.
One could be the president, then I could see imprisonment!
Because I wrote about his mom he’d fake that I had built a bomb!
And stick me in Guantanamo where evil meanies all… must… go!!!!!!!
Great! I filed my taxes late! And cheated on my rate!
And since she sees our life a mess, I’ll bet she’s called the IRS!
Damn! I heard a car door slam! I’d best be on the lam!
It could be Uncle Sam I think, she’d squeal on me, the Rat! The Fink!
Why is she so mean to me? In constant marriage truancy?
I’m not so bad, I pay my way, I never hit, I never stray.
Why don’t girls like pleasant guys of average looks and average size?
I guess it’s cuz we’re not much fun; we pay our debts, we get things done.
We’re not too naughty, much too clean, a little balding, seldom lean.
I guess I knew it all along, I should have spurned her siren song.
Dash! She’s coming for my cash! She’s bound to find my stash!
She’ll turn my life to ashen waste and have my countenance erased!
Doh! I loved the woman so, and now I need to blow.
To save myself I’ll go, but weep for promises I couldn’t keep.