Friday, March 22, 2013

On About a Linda Day

It was a Linda Day yesterday. Yea, I know, it does seem like almost every day's a Linda day doesn't it?


We had Belgian waffles and fried Spam for breakfast. Apologies to my Belgian friends, I wasn't like eating your effigies or anything (Though when I eat Brussels sprouts it's everything I can do to not see your little faces in them:) Fried Spam baby. Ain't nothin like it! (And by the way, what's the deal with using an apostrophe in the correct place for a word that's incorrect on its face I wonder)

Then it was separate and go to our own corners until noonish, when we cut up a batch of summer sausage and swiss cheese to go with a couple handfuls of water crackers (that Linda loves and I can't abide but I have ta humor her cuz it's Linda day for God's sake) and then settled down to watch the movie I had selected, a lovely tale about a happy family and their aversion to chainsaws, Winter's Bones.

Now it's true this is a sort of depressing movie (though it was a little like a homecoming for me. These are my people! At least those I was within range of when I was pretending to be an outlaw biker) I've been in those houses and I've shared those secrets and it made me nervous to watch it but the performances were so real I could swear I'd been eatin Water crackers right with em. So it was ok cuz I knew we have different taste though we both like each others' and I was sure she'd have come up with a girly movie (chick flick for you young hipsters) for the Linda Day dinner showing so it would be balanced out! Then, off to our corners again while we mentally prepared for the ultimate challenge of "Married Couple Scrabble"! I did the email thing, a terribly productive break activity, and she disassembled the Christmas tree, a terribly frivolous half hour, but what-r ya gonna do. Marriage is filled with compromise.

Then the games! She loves games. I like games when there are 4 or more players (Unless it's pool) but she absolutely drools over games. So of course, she constantly proposes that I hate games or I just don't want to play games with her or I think games are stupid so people that love games are stupid which means naturally that I think she's stupid and why do I think she's stupid it's so unfair and mean?!?!? Therefore on Linda Day, we don't talk about games, we PLAY them. Happily!. First, pool. Now she grew up with a family pool table; one of those leany, tilty things in a too tight, mildewy basement, where hitting a ball with some finesse might cause the cue ball to do loop-d-loops around the ball you were trying to hit, and whose pockets fell onto a piece of chipboard that was supposed to be tilted at such a perfect angle that the balls sunk would roll right to one end where they would be just conveniently waiting for the next racking, while in reality would flop apart every 3rd ball and send the offending piece of plastic to the floor, bouncing across the concrete until it would find an irretrievable resting spot well underneath a piece of stored furniture which invariably weighs a ton. This history, so she thinks, makes her an expert pool player.

I on the other hand, perfected my skills playing 12 year olds at random beer bars in the depths of the Wisconsin outback. These little creeps would spend their entire non school lives behind a cue (cuz daddy spent his suckin down suds and if'n ya had to sit there cuz momma ran off with the Mexican roofers and left you two to fend for yourselves, ya might as well do sumpthin fun) and so would be so good that even Minnesota Fats would have a hard time yankin a buck from the winner's kitty. Eventually I grew to be so good that untalented but billiard aficionado friends would call me when some jerk was keeping the table to himself and beating all comers while pretending to be just your average Joe, so I'd come kick his ass and take the table back for them, hopefully shaming the dink into leaving the bar and perhaps even the State forever. So, obviously, Linda has no chance against me.

We played. She pissed and moaned. I gloated. We moved on to Scrabble. (Yes, two games. It's Linda Day remember?)

Now I won't go into great detail about my prowess at Scrabble. Let's just say this. Linda will occasionally write little notes to herself on our calendar. I have published a book of poetry. Nuff said. If she wants to punish herself in the name of Linda Day, who am I to stand in her way?

Finally, dinner. Linda makes incredible chili. Damn near my mothers' actually, but even better. Since good chili may be the most relative food group on the planet, I'll skip the recipe here, but suffice it to say we were both well pleased to fill our bowls to the brim, sprinkle on a little cheese, grab a few dozen saltines and make our way to the living room where the girly movie could be seen and happiness might ensue. Well gosh, I was slightly off base. She doesn't pay attention to trailers as they whiz by on the TV screen, so she doesn't hit the Redbox with a list of titles in her head. Searching out a film is a difficult project for her, made all the more difficult by the line of people standing behind her at the grocery store kiosk, mumbling how long she's taking. So sometimes she just grabs for the recognizable stars and the first line of synopsis. This night? "Revolutionary Road" with Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. A happy movie if I'd ever seen one!!! Actually, I love dramas, the grittier the better. I love seeing actors stretch. So this was a perfect film for me, though I have to say it was like reliving my childhood, but that meant I watched two movies in one day that were about MY PEOPLE so how could that be a bad thing!

It was a lovely day, a real Linda Day, capping off what was I suppose a Linda WEEK of inlaw adventure and plenty of bending over to please on my part. I'm exhausted now. I think I'll take a nap. You can call that a Ron Moment if you like. I don't get a whole day:)

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