I had just been jettisoned from the “Third Planet” mold and was about to be placed within some random mothers' womb when God sat me atop a carousel horse and gave its behind a little tap. As you would suspect, a little tap from God is hardly little, but the horsie took it in stride and joined his brethren in the slipstream with only a half hearted yelp. Around and around we went for some reason unbeknownst to me at that moment. Then as if sensing my complete confusion horsie whispered, “grab a ring for heaven’s sake.” Ring? I looked about. Sure enough, just at the apex of my most distant reach was a series of brass rings, each marked in day glow colors with coded nametags stating various emotions.
“Do these signify something?”
are your personality traits” said Horse; “your first experience with
free will, though in this case there’s a little fun involved. Usually
free’s not so fun.”
“And what, I grab one? And then?”
“You get three actually. And whichever you snatch, stay with you forever! So aim carefully!”
there was no way I was losin out on this deal, so I climbed up onto
Horsie’s back to be closer to my targets. A fetus’ arms are very short
as you know, so every inch I could add would be a godsend… so to speak.
it was! I’d spotted “Amusement” and had to have it! I almost jumped
from my perch but held tight to the pole with my left hand as I grabbed
with my right. Shit! Missed!
Crap! “I got “Stress”.
“Nice shot bucko. Better try for sleepiness next. Maybe they’ll counter each other.”
de har!” I was miffed, but not beaten. I looked for another that might
move me up the champion ladder. One perfect trait nearly went by so I
snagged it quickly.
“Courage” I shouted! “I got courage!”
“Funny” said Horse as his head twisted right; “There’s only one of each and there goes courage…”
I looked at the inscription on my second ring. Heck in a handbasket!
“Powerlessness” I mumbled. “Great, I’ve already screwed up my life and I haven’t even seen the sky yet.”
“Don’t worry pal” said Horsie, “there’s one left that will make the others moot if you can get it.”
What’s that” I asked.
pointed with his right hoof. “Happiness. A happy person can make
positives out of negatives! You might be stressed and powerless, but if
you’re happy, you won’t give a crap cuz, well cuz, you’ll be happy!”
had a point. I had to get the happy ring. We spun around and around
while I focused in on my prize. I flexed my chubby little fingers a
hundred times, reached out with my chubby little arms until I felt as if
I’d stretched another 6 inches into them. And then, I took aim,
thought positivity thoughts (though I was a little stressed) and took a
last grasp at “happiness”.
I closed my eyes and showed the ring to Horse. “Tell me what it says, I can’t look.”
Horse made that lip flappy sound. Then he said “What does morosity mean?”
it wasn’t happiness, but maybe it was something that would make me
special at least. I jumped off Horse and ran for the library with my new
personality. I had a date with a dictionary.