Dinner’s on the table hon. Where ya been?
Oh I was at the mall and once I was done shopping I decided to do some retail therapy.
Don’t you mean you went shopping so you’d feel happier?
I mean the Minute Clinic now has mental health services so I stopped in
for a neurosis tuning and a diagnostician special. Both were on a Groupon half off sale so
I thought I may as well take advantage of the convenience of it. After
all you know I’ve been feeling kinda glum.
You don’t have to tell me dear. So what did they say?
they seemed to think at first I had a touch of Tourettes, but it turned
out to be just a strong aversion to paying a bill in advance coupled
with a limited vocabulary.
I’m sure I’d have the same diagnosis. Anything else?
again, they were thinking exhibitionism, but I told them I was just hot
and they seemed to accept that as the reason I shucked my coat. I said I
thought they were kinda jumping to conclusions, and that made them
think “paranoid personality disorder”. When I argued, they added
“narcissistic tendencies” and possible “intermittent explosive
disorder”, but they stopped after the last and waited for me to explode,
and when I didn’t they withdrew that one.
Wow, it sounds like they were quite thorough! Was it expensive?
Like I said the services I bought were on sale. In fact I could have
had a Two minute drug consultation off the dollar menu, but I figured I
was at the drive up so I didn’t want anyone in line behind me getting
Ah, more proof of the p…
Paranoid personality disorder, yup.
There must have been a point to it beyond getting a raft of bad news.
Did they prescribe anything to deal with your diagnosis?
Sure! They said I should go shop my brains out for an hour and I’d feel much better.
Somehow I knew we’d come back to that…