Wednesday, May 29, 2013

If my Father were God, Would I Still Have to Buy Him a Gift for Father's Day?

John: So whatcha gettin for your dad for Sunday Luke, more fishing tackle?

Luke: Yea yea, make fun. He's a practical fisherman, what can I tell ya. He doesn't like the overpriced junk from the pharasee bazaar so it's daredevils and wiggle worms or nothin.

John whispers "watch the daredevil stuff, you know how preachy He gets when He hears that name" and tips his head toward Jesus. Luke slaps his forehead and sheepishly grins, then nods his agreement

John: How bout you Judas, make up your mind yet?

Judas: Yup, and I bought it already, you guys it's so cool!

Mark: Well tell us already pinocchio, whatdja buy... a liar's poker rulebook?

Apostles laugh, point fingers. Jesus seems preoccupied, stares out window onto Gethsemene.

Judas: Very funny Mark; No, I got him a Castle Romanstien game for his Nebuchadnezzar 64. You start in this catacomb see, as an ordinary Jewish slave, and your enemy Pontius Pilate is on the throne in the High Rulers Palace; all you get is rags and a rusty knife to begin with and there's two centurians at your door, depending on the difficulty setting there might be more...

John: Funny stuff Judas, sounds a little like "Doom, the Three Wise Assasins"; you'll have to have us all over some day so we can take turns killing Pilate's mercenary bodyguards... So how bout you Jesus? What are you getting your dad for Father's day?

Jesus: I got him a Black and Decker workmate. It was on sale at the moneychangers and dad's been having lot of trouble lately with his sawhorses...

Matthew: He didn't mean Joe, Lord, he meant your real dad! You as stumped as usual?

Christ looks exasperated and stares at His feet while muttering in Aramaic

Jesus: Well wouldn't you be? What in heaven do you get the Guy that created everything? I come up with some cool item I think is finally gonna make Him sit up and applaud, and He just says "Oh thanks, I made that ya know"; Yea, some fun that is. And then wrapping's like, why do I bother, like I can keep even a tiny secret from Mister Omniscience!

John (giggling): Oh man, every time I hear that line it cracks me up. Don't let your Mom hear you sayin that again or she'll have you counting to a thousand on her worry bead belt like last time. I don't envy you Jesus; I mean you'd think it'd be the coolest to have God for a Father, but I can see where it'd just be no fun at all.

Jesus: Fun? Did you say fun? When was the last time you saw the words God and fun in the same sentence? Yea, He's a barrel of monkeys alright; Smite this, Smite that... sometimes he just scares the bejeebers outa me with all that God's wrath stuff, I don't want Him turnin' Me into a pillar of salt cuz I bought him chocolate covered scarabs and He had His all loving heart set on a weekend pass for Fertile Cresentland!

Judas: I might have just the thing for ya bud, I thought it up over the winter while you were out roaming in the desert. How bout this t-shirt inscribed "Smoter in Charge"? Of course, I couldn't get it made in extra-universe/tall so it probably won't fit on anything but His thumb, but he can hang it over His desk or maybe slip a string through it and wear it as a fake eyepatch so the Archangels will always know who the big dog is!

Jesus (laughing): Man, I don't know what I'd do without you Judas, that's a perfect gift, thanks! You're the best friend a Son of God could ever have...for now at least.

Judas (smiling): No sweat Lord, but remember to forgive me if someday I slip and can't come up with a good idea; nobody's perfect ya know...well ok, You are, but I mean out of us mortals....