Monday, August 19, 2013

A Silk Road

She stopped at the water's edge and wouldn't budge another inch.

"If you were a real romantic, you'd cover this puddle with your coat, so I wouldn't need to get my shoes wet and soiled."

I dearly wanted to say "Ok, I'm not a real romantic, now let's boogie!" But of course, it was only our third date and I was already entranced; I didn't want to give her the impression I was a boor this early in the relationship.

"My coat is a sixteen hundred dollar designer leather, Suzi. I'd love to accommodate you. Perhaps I could carry you across?"

She wouldn't be bought so easily.

"Well then, you must have some article of clothing that you might use to rescue a damsel in distress. We'll be late for dinner if you don't think of something!"

I began to rethink my infatuation. Fun and games were fine, but she'd set her jaw during the last comment, leaving no doubt that she was deadly serious; she'd stand here all night if I didn't fix the situation to suit her Walter Raleigh vision.

"Wait here just a sec, I have an idea" I said, wondering all the while just what my idea was. I moved into a nearby alleyway, pitch black and teeming with various garbage receptacles, all filled to the brim. Quickly I pondered my choices. Suddenly, it dawned on me what my only real option could be.

"Step lightly m'lady" I said as I bent to the ground and lay my boxer shorts over the top of a pool of oily rain sludge. It had taken a few minutes to disrobe and redress so as to get at the only article of clothing I was wearing that would be expendable.

"My, my" she cooed. "You wear silk underwear! I had no idea!"

With my best old English accent, which sounds a bit like the Muppet's Swedish Chef if I'm not careful, I offered her the theater she demanded.

"Pantaloons no longer I fear, as my most private things have now become but one more lain cobble in this silk road. I would be honored if the lady would use my loin covers as her bridge across this shallow sea."

She giggled. I'd scored a point, but I was becomimg bored with sating her ego. And it was a bit drafty, what with my danglies dangling free.

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