Friday, August 2, 2013

Every Good Dog Deserves Favour

Ooo MAN this garbage is good! Let’s see, two banana peels and a little cheese in the bottom of that plastic bag. Ooo gimme that bag, I’ll just chew right through it. Wait WAIT! What’s THAT! Yow! Coffee grounds! I Love Coffee Grounds!! Mmmmmm, boy am I glad I found this yard; no dogs, no cats, loose trash can cover, no bungee cords… yummy, I just ca…wait a sec, what’s that picture. It’s a little boy and… Oh my God I know that kid! Oof, I feel a little woozy, hang on here, lets plant my butt on the ground and… Rowr, that’s better. Now, where wa... Oh crap, here we go again; gotta concentrate, it’s like I’m having déjà vu or something, I…

I remember now! Timmy and me were playing ring and run on old Missus Plurd. She’s so old, she walks like a monkey; everybody says she’s a witch. Isn’t that a hoot? Ok wait… so we rang her doorbell and Timmy ran down the block and I went around to the back and…and… and there was Missus Plurd! Like she knew I was coming and she was just waiting for me! And she screeched out my name…Boooobbbbyyyy she says, while she’s waving this little stick at me like she’s trying to lasso something and then I felt, well, I felt just like I do now; kinda hungry and woozy all at the same time! Maybe I just have to pee, let’s see… yea, that smells like a good place, just squat a little and…

HOLY SHIT! SHE IS A WITCH!!!! And the old bag turned me into a dog! A DOG! Oh no I’ve been eating garbage! And I squat when I pee! Oh my God, my thing is just hangin’ there for everyone to see!

Wait wait, what’s that! It’s Timmy! This is Timmy’s yard, I remember! Timmy will help me, I just gotta get his attention! TimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmy…

“Honey, just chase the dog through the gate and close up the garbage can. No you can’t keep him, don’t even ask young man!”

“Aw mom! I didn’t wanna keep him, I just wanted a picture before I made him go away, he’s so gosh dang cute don’t cha think?!”

TimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmyTimmy NOOOOOO, you moron! It’s Bobby, can’t you see? Look, it’s me! No stupid, don’t take a pi… Argh! Great, now I have spots in front of my eyes, maybe if I run around in circles I can chase them away!!!

“Timmy, I’ve called animal control honey, get back in this house right now. I think there’s something wrong with that dog.”

“I’m coming mom, you could be right! He’s kinda foamin at the mouth, he might have RAYBEEES!!!!”

Rabies? I don’t have rabies silly? I’m a boy! Ok I was a boy but I’m in here still, it’s Bobby you dork! Wait, what’s that sound. Timmy? Is that a siren? Ruh Roe!

“Here Timmy, let mom see the picture. Oh, he IS cute isn’t he!”

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