Sunday, October 13, 2013

Doggies Worship Too



“Daddy Daddy Daddy come quick! I can’t see mommy! She must be worried!”

“She’s not worried Monte, she’s just taking a shower. You’ve seen this happen every morning since you moved in with us.”

“Yes but Daddy Daddy! I haven’t loved mommy so much as I do right now! I must see her! Really I must!”

“Monte, the door is shut. Just relax. She’ll come out when she’s done.”

“But Daddy that’s the point! What if a giant cat creature was waiting for her as she entered the drinking fountain room and slammed the door shut behind her so he could claw her to death and then eat her up?! I must save her from the evil kitty!”

“Stop it Montague! Your Mommy is taking a shower, not being eaten by a cat! Now if you’ll be quiet I’ll scratch your face. You must have morning itchy face don’t you? Jump up on the couch and lay here next to Daddy while I watch my Sunday shows and boil my blood and I’ll take care of scratchy face.”

“Oh ok Daddy. How’s that, now I’m laying next to you and… oh gosh that feels good, and I… wait! Daddy Daddy Daddy you have to open that door right now and let me in to see my Mommy or I shall surely die!!!!”

“If she wanted you in that room with her she’d have left the door open. Now shuttup and accept my undeserved love or go somewhere else and pout!”

“But Daddy, why wouldn’t she want me in the room?”

“Cuz women are like that Monte. Oddly enough they don’t really want people staring at them when they are naked. Even little doggies. Unless of course they’ve posed for a magazine or their name is Miley Cyrus, but your Mommy’s name is Linda so don’t try to use that excuse.”

“But, but, how can I worship her without seeing her? How will she know I adore her above all others? How will she feel my undying love if I’m not within 6 inches of her like I am at every other moment she’s within range throughout the day?”

“Oh trust me Monte, she knows full well how much you adore her; and sadly enough, in spite of her tripping over you all day long, she kind of likes it.”

“Daddy, let me in that room right now or I’ll start bathing your leg in saliva and rubbing my snotty nose all over your arm.”

“You wouldn’t do that, you’re just bluffing.”

“Does it feel like I’m bluffing? I can already feel your winces as I labor my dripping tongue all over your naked thigh. You really should put on pants the moment you get out of bed you know, but since you don’t…. well, a little lick here and a little drool there, and a little…”
“For god’s sake doggie, you know I hate that. Now stop it right now or I’ll tell your Mommy to stop loving you forever and ever!”

“Ha ha, yea like that could happen. Let’s see, a little nibble here and some dribbly doggie juice there and a…”

“ALRIGHT! I’M UP! HERE! I’M OPENING THE DOOR! FOR ALL THAT’S HOLY LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WILL YOU PLEASE?”

“Mommy Mommy Mommy Daddy tried to keep me from you but I wouldn’t be denied! What’s that you’re doing to your legs?”



“Really Ron? I couldn’t have a few minutes peace?”

“It’s your dog honey…..”

“Oh Mommy, I’m so happy you weren’t eaten by a giant evil cat….”



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