Tuesday, November 19, 2013

The Adventures of Hydrantman



"What seems to be the trouble young man? We here at the Justice League of America psychiatric unit are always available to help and want to insure that every super hero is happy and as well adjusted as a mutant can be."
 

"Well doc, I love my super powers and all..."
 

"And what are they exactly, though I can guess from the bright red of your costume."
 

"I channel really powerful streams of water sir. When I feel the need to stop some heinous crime or right some egregious wrong, I begin to bloat and then once I'm so pudgy only my hands are protruding from my engorged body, my palms explode in a rush of moderately chlorinated water, knocking any nearby criminal to the ground or at least into a busy street where he might be run over by a passing commercial truck."
 

"I see" said the doctor. "That sounds a bit stressful on its face, I can see how you've become a bit neurotic..."
 

"But but" Hydrantman interrupted, "I'm fine with the manifestation; its what sometimes happens while I'm bloating that I don't like!"
 

"And what is that?"
 

"Well it takes a couple minutes and during that phase I can't move. For some reason all the dogs in the area run over to me while I'm expanding and let loose... if you know what I mean."
 

"Urinate?"
 

Hydrantman blushed. "Yea doc, they pee on me. It's hard to maintain an image as a feared crime fighter when dogs are always peeing on you."
 

"I may have a simple solution" said Doc Wrangle. "Change your name to Hydraulicman, and dye your costume more of an oily black than red."
 

Hydrantman was relieved. "Geez doc, that's perfect. Why didn't I think of that?"
 

"Well, you are the person that named yourself Hydrantman in the first place. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, not all superheroes are as brilliant as Stan Lee would like you to think."

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