Monday, December 16, 2013

Naughty List Reconciliation



'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa'd gone mad!
His brain had exploded, his blood had turned plaid!
He'd had it with people, their whines and their screams
the relentless high voices that haunted his dreams.

"Oh please Mister Santa, come help if you would;
screw dollies and crayons, bring guns to the hood
cuz the neighbor kid's mad, cuz I stole his moms car
and he's threatened to shoot me tonight at Fred's Bar"


The mail at the pole was chock full of bad news
Little Ben'd lost his leg and Marie, her new shoes.
Poor Carmen's green bedroom was shot full of holes
just as Jack's daddy beat him, and broke his parole

It was death in Somalia and death in Iraq
It was "get out of here and don't ever come back"
It was frightful and angry and hateful and mean
just the ugliest world. Could Saint Nick intervene?

But for Kristi's sad tale he might just have ignored
all the pain to those precious; those innocents gored.
But that children so chaste must endure such abuse
made old Santa enraged "There is just no excuse!"

"What's happened to civilized?" Santa exclaimed
as he poured through the letters of men taking aim.
And his white beard turned yellow, his eyes lost their shine
"That's Enough!" Santa shouted. "Now vengeance is mine!"

Little Kristi had laid out the cookies with care
knowing Santa was coming, he'd written "Take care,
just remain in your bed, even if you hear screams.
For tomorrow your life will be better it seems."

Then up on the roof there appeared a long rope
Down came Santa rappelling, with rifle and scope
and a half dozen elves of the "Fresh Start" brigade
and a few who had presents; not part of the raid

'Twas over in minutes, though cleaning took hours
Santa wiped up the blood while the elves all took showers
Kristi's mom said "God bless you, he was a bad man."
Santa said "Well he's gone now, keep clear of his clan."

"It's your daughter that matters, the future is hers
keep her safe from the madmen, false preachers and curs
and perhaps she'll find beauty in all that she sees
as a butterfly caught on a warm, dancing breeze."

Now the group said goodbye and they left by the door
as the chimney's too small for the armor they wore
and then Rudolph the Watchdeer swooped low with the sleigh
so the red vigilantes could be on their way

As they loaded, a crowd came to witness their flight
some onlookers applauded, some cowered in fright
Santa said "This is simple, don't act so perplexed
Just remember; Be Nice! Or we'll tour your house next!"

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