I sent the top hat child to bed by screaming “mind your curfew!”
Reluctantly he toddled off. I marveled at my power.
His wizened, stooped companion though, looked definitely dour.
“I’m old” he said, “and so fatigued. I must give up the ghost.
I’ve had my fill of poison pill, with duck pate on toast.
So get that baby back here boy, let’s get this thing in gear;
as there is no way a fool like you can blockade this new year.”
“But sir I must insist” I cried, “I’ve so much more to do!
Why I could cure all cancer with an extra hour or two!
What, with my gift of flowered gab I might just stop all war!
Just think what this sad world might be once love commands its core!”
The old man thought, then scratched down there, then belched as men will do;
“So why not twenty fourteen for your feats of daring do?
Why must it be within this year and not the next, or next?
You’ve only seconds ‘fore the change, Come, make me less perplexed!”
I’d tired of obfuscation, it was time to tell the truth.
“I’ve made a deal with Satan; please don’t think me too uncouth!
My mum you see was dying, and he offered me her health,
if I’d only promise him my soul to add to his black wealth.”
“Well I’d heard the devil was a beast who loved to gamble some
so I took a chance and whimpered ‘might I ask you for a crumb?’
Then he laughed and said I had an out, ‘A Grande Escape Sublime’
‘All you need to do’ he sneered at me ‘is briefly hinder time!”
“I beg you!” I sobbed toward the coot; “just give this kid one second!
Show Satan who’s the real boss, with whom he now has reckoned!”
He answered “Oh alright me lad, but only for your mother.
Now get the child, the time is near for helping one another.”
I found the kid and burped him, and I changed his nappy too.
It was moments then ‘till midnight and I asked “what will you do?”
Then the old man smiled and said “No fear, I’ll deal with Satan’s clause”
And as midnight struck the clock stopped dead… and took a pregnant pause.
So the new year came as always, just a tiny eye blink late,
And I thanked the man and baby for the changing of my fate.
Then I thanked the gods of lying, as my mum was ne’er unwell
For one night with Helen Mirren I had sold my soul to hell.