Thursday, March 13, 2014

Wordlove, and Other Minor Crushes

I've found myself having to bite my tongue here and there lately. And the amazing thing is, I've been successful! There's a first! I'm either maturing or getting so forgetful that the moment after I'm prodded to spew, I forget the spewable subject. I vote for the latter, it's far too late to expect any maturation.

Linda went to the local arboretum while I was working Saturday. She attended a class on something or other that will improve her greenhouse skills.

While she was at the arb, she picked up a little brochure describing a contest they're having. It's attached to a writing seminar, and my guess would be it's a marketing tool to draw a larger number of participants to the class rather than a free standing competition. It's an essay, 3000 words or less. Lin thought that'd be a perfect thing for me, snatched the flyer and stuffed it in her purse before actually reading the body copy.

While browsing the rules, even before finding the essay topic I understood this was not the contest for me. It seems a selection of top writers, as graded by the man and wife writerly team running the event, would read their work before the assembled; a sort of live loveyfest of wordlings and their masters, a beatnik reading without the customary snapplause. I don't do public appearances so well. In fact if I'm ever published and Oprah decides to make me her book club selection, I'm screwed; cuz I won't go on television and she'll be all pissed and stuff and yell at me through the camera, waggling her little Oprah finger at me and telling the world what a creep I am!

But actually, the public reading thing wasn't even the killer by itself. Once Lin read the topic she tried to hide the paper from me so I wouldn't see it; afraid that if I did decide to write something on the subject and read it aloud in my best EA Poe voice, a third of the goody-two-shoes in the room would pass out in disbelief overload.

"To love the world" it said. HAHAHAHA. Surely they weren't asking me to write an essay on my daily overwhelming desire to give our mother the earth a big hug and kiss before my breakfast of toasted pine nuts and barley twigs! I'd contemplate the idea that they really meant the "human" essence of "the world", but I kind of know better. People that would have an essay contest with the topic "To love the world" are all in favor of the extinction of the human race, save themselves and a few hundred of their closest friends of course, who, to a person, make only erasable tracks on the surface of our precious planet.

No, it's clear they'd like me (us) to expound on our love of the dirt, our rock romance, our mingling with magnificent magma, on the very noun of the phrase, the "green green grass of home". I feel inspired!

I think that I shall never see a thing as lovely as a street gutter full of soggy elm seeds, putrefying in the noonday sun!
Hark, is that a screaming rabbit I hear?
Oh love! My love!
How beautious is thy sweet screech.
I relish the tone of each food chain link being pulled through the meat grinder of yon forest.
I tingle at the sight of carcass shards flung helter skelter; testament to animal's inanimality to animals,
worshiping at the natural, all organic altar of the gods of rabid carnivory.
My nose bristles
as the pungent aroma of rotting leaves, diseased fungus and rodent scat permeates the soft, warm, gentle breezes.
Nobody does it better
better than all the rest
nobody does death, suffering and tragedy quite like you
baby, baby you're the best!

I spose I'll have to work on it; I do have 3000 words I can use up:)

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